There's Something Wrong with Aunt Diane - HBO Documentaries

My feeling was that one reason the family has remained in such steadfast denial had to do with insurane payouts.  Many policies don't pay out if a death occurred during the commission of a crime (DUI) or if it was suicide.  If they fill in the blanks, then they might lose some sort of payout, and even if that's already occured, it could be alleged that they committed fraud by lying.

At least people can calmly discuss here - I gave up over at the IMDB board - people there are REALLY into their opinions and tend to slam anything that isn't what their view is.  The suicide opinion isn't popular there - Ambien seems to be the pervasive opinion.  I disagree.  Does anyone think that the opportunistic family, desparate for ANY reason to draw attention away wouldn't be all over that?  Especially after the Kennedy incident. 

Halfway through the doc, I felt it was suicide, and I've stuck with it.  There is soemthing in the relationship with her mother that may very well have something to do with it.  I've read that she was the only one who didn't have anything to do with her - that all of her brothers had a relationship with their mother.  It was in the doc very clear that she cut off all of her "old life" friends when she met Danny.  Whether she did that willingly (of her own choice) or not (as in Danny wanted her isolated), it speaks volumes about her personality.

She wanted to be a mom, and she got that with Danny, who couldn't seem to function on his own.  And I'm sure that when she had the kids, he told her it was her domain, and hers to deal with.  I've wondered if she got pregnant on purpose - that was never really touched on.  She apparently has this goal of getting a husband and kids, and having it all.  And she gets that. And perhaps sees that it's not all that it's cracked up to be.  She spends a lot of time alone, since her husband has a night job, and seems to be doing all of the work herself.  She self-medicates.  She channels all of her frustration toward work (where it's been said that she was fierce, and working in collections - as I have done - you have to have that type of personality, so I'm not shocked she succeeded).  But as I went through with my husband, you can only stuff things for so long.

My husband was physically and mentally abused as a child, and into his teens.  His father died when he was 9, and his mother unleashed her rage on him.  But his mom wanted people to think they were a perfect family.  So he channeled his issues into the bottle.  He was an alcoholic by the time he was 18.  Four years into our marriage, he was a full-blown binge drinker.  He'd go a month without touching a drop, but in one weekend, he'd down several bottles and a case of beer.  He'd drink until he'd vomit, and then start all over again.  And people thought he was funny and would take advantage of him.  They'd get him drunk to "watch the show".  And I'd sit by, and watch this, because I didn't trust to leave him somewhere.  I stayed sober, drove him home, walked him to the bathroom, and stayed up all night to be sure he didn't choke.  And I found myself putting up this brave front, acting like we were the perfect couple.  The difference is that we both had supportive friends and family who were willing to step up and tell us that we needed therapy.  We went, he quit drinking, and he got involved in an activity that channeled his issues in a positive way.  And all was well.  For a few years.

Rather quickly, he was dealt several blows.  He left a job that was established at to go to one he was recruited for that turned out to be a joke.  He was lied to.  So he tried another job, and was laid off in 6 months when the company was sold. He went back to the company that lied to him, tail between his legs.  They messed with him.  They were supposedly religious, and preached love, but they were anything but.  They were filling his head with ideas.  Then, the activity he loved was yanked away from him.  I can't go into it - too long - but in the end it boiled down to people telling him that they believed him over someone causing trouble, but there were reasons that they couldn't make waves, and couldn't back him.  He came to me and said he felt like he needed therapy again.  I got him on a waiting list for evenings, but he asked for some time off to go during the day to get it started.  They told him that he didn't need therapy - he needed Jesus.  Going to church was required to work there.  He kept all of this from me (except for the activity getting taken away - he couldn't hide that).  One day, his boss called me at my job and told me that he was fired because he told another employee to get away from him before he snapped and did something he'd regret (the other employee grabbed his arm - my husband was trying to walk away from him). My husband showed up at my job, freaking out.  He'd had a nervous breakdown.  His employer allowed him to drive.  He seriously considered killing himself by driving into oncoming traffic, but he was afraid he'd live but kill someone else, and couldn't do it.  He was very good at hiding this from me.  When I asked him why, he said he was afraid I'd leave him and his world would fall apart.

I could see something similar happing to Diane.  Something made her world fall apart.  Danny is all kinds of shady.  Maybe he was fooling around on her.  He was also a drinker - he has a DUI.  Who knows?  But I couldn't see her going to therapy, with or without him.  Even if he were compliant, it would be a ding on her perfect image.  Or maybe she'd be like my late Mother In Law, who swore off therapy because too many doctors wouldn't tell her what she wanted to hear - that she was perfect and never did anything wrong.  As for what pushed her over the edge?  We'll probably never know.  But so much of her story was so familiar to me - been there, done that.  We never had children - I am unable.  When we got the news, my late Mother In Law advised my husband to leave me, and find someone who could provide her with grandkids, but she knew he probably wouldn't, because he took his wedding vows too seriously, and was too foolish to find someone else.

I believe she was trying to send a message, and to punish a person or people.  I would love to know if it was "normal" for them to take the nieces on outings, or if that was unusual, or whether this was a spur-of-the-moment thing, or planned out ahead.  She gets the girls, borrows a van, and takes them camping.  She takes lots of photos of them having fun.  When they leave, she takes them to McDonald's instead of feeding them cereal or making breakfast at the campground.  She insists on giving her son his favorite meal, even though it's not time for the lunch menu.  It's debated whether she was insistant and rude, or calm but persistant - there are conflicting reports.  But it's not debated that the kids played, and she sat and drank an orange juice (probably spiked with vodka).  So the kids have a happy wrap-up to their happy weekend.  And then it goes to hell.  And fast.

I believe she kept drinking and driving around to work up the nerve.  I believe her conscience kept kicking in (as my husband's did when he had his breakdown) and she had to keep killing that.  I am not sure why she stopped at the convenience store (other than her weird Gel Cap story) - what her motivation was.  Maybe she was hoping someone would stop her or send her a signal that she should stop, but the clerk appeared pretty indifferent.  That's something we'll never know.  I don't think she planned on the kids calling home, and she quickly covered with "They're playing".  Somewhere along the line, she got drunk and high enough that she killed her conscience, and pushed on through with it.

That's just my opinion.  I immediately thought of the Diane Downs case when I watched the doc.  She attempted to kill her 3 children (but claimed they were shot by a drifter) because a man she was in love with broke it off with her, telling her it was because he didn't want children.  She planned a fun day with them, doing their favorite things and even went so far as to have a statue made with the date she intended to kill them on it, but she didn't do it that day - it ended up being a few days later.  Two of her kids lived, however, and told police she was the one who did it.  We have a survivor in this case, but at least now, he can't say much.  Maybe someday, it will all come out, but I'm hot holding my breath.

Sorry for being long-winded.  This one just really bothered me, and still haunts me.

ncG1vNJzZmien6fCrr%2BNqamipZWptq6x0WeaqKVfqbyxtcJoaW9uY256tbTEq5ysZaOkuqbAx6KloGWnp7yvs4ywoK2gXZbCr8CMnaCappVk